five hearts as one

Here we go again. I want to write, Im feeling so many things, just cant get it out and some things just feel not right to share. Since Saturday things have been up and down. Grandma was admitted to the hospital for good this time after 3 years of bone cancer. We were at the park with my siblings for Lincolns 2nd birthday. We knew mom was going to be at the hospital all day. Late afternoon Friday we got the call.. she has an hour to 6 weeks come now if you want to say good-bye. We grabbed kids off toys and straight to the hospital after Jon and I took our kids even the birthday boy who wasnt feeling good for a few days to his parents to tend while we went. I had already lost it at the park and cried all the way to the hospital... everyone was there.. and arriving as we did. A few of my sibs and I were able to go into the room and tell her goodbye and how much we loved her. She was on so much pain meds we didnt know if we could really get her to talk or know we were there. When I went to hug her I just bawled and all she said was "oh stop that silly girl" So hard to see her so sick and not talking well. It was really here and it was so hard. She said a few things to the others that will always stick with each of them.

Later on.. my girls where able to come hug her .. Hallie sang her "Smiley" song to her then Mallory sang "I love to see the Temple" Grandma loves her primary songs. (I was going through our family site, I came across this pictures of my sweet Hallie with her great grandma, It chokes me every time I see it. she would always hold the babies and sing to them, now my girls got to sing to her)

A picture I had seen just days before that I wanted to take with her before she was gone, I knew it would be soon. I almost forgot until mom said something about it.. I hadnt even had the chance to tell her. It will always mean the world to me and I wanted it for my girls too. I stayed at the hospital till about 12 12:30 am Saturday night or it could have been Sunday. It was hard to get up the next day not only cause i stayed up the night before but being emotional really takes a toll on you. We felt it best not to hang around as much.. so Monday and Tuesday we just tried to keep updates with whoever was there. Wednesday my sisters and I headed over about 8 pm and stayed till about 2 I think. Some stayed even later.. Thursday same deal.. signs where showing, things were changing that it was getting closer. My aunt from New Jersey came in late Wed eve. Thursday night.. her O2 had dropped to low 20's. Her heart rate went up to 149. She had a high fever and felt pretty warm. Over these last few days she was so up on drugs it almost like she was in a coma. We knew it was really soon. It was a false alarm Thursday eve. We were prepared to take kids and camp out in the lobby tonight. I wasnt sure when I would go. Jon would be working and I could leave the kids with him. I was trying to catch a snooze while Lincoln was and I got a call from Mindy.. grandma passed. I tried to keep it together, but as i called jon i couldnt keep it in. I was getting frustrated, the girls werent listening. I was just trying to get there. Grandma passed about 3:55 pm today with my sister Natasha, my parents and my Uncle Bill there. Im grateful they were there. Im so happy for grandma to be free of pain, to be able to see her Brother who died 10 years ago today, her mom, and her other brother too. I can just see her beaming and dancing around. She was such an example to me as I have grown up. Always so strong in the church. Her and Grandpa served two missions together. I love her so much. I will miss you dearly. Its different for me at this time cause im a mother myself. I have to teach my kids and explain things to them. They have said some really silly things this week.. just so innocently too. I pray my mom has comfort and will be ok. I love her more than anything.

This is all of my grandparents childeren and grandchildern and great grandchildern. We are missing a coulple who werent there. This was shortly after or before we knew grandma had cancer.